I was kind of upset with a couple of my closest friends and I thought I had no friends, because on my birthday at the end of the night I ended up being all by myself. BUT little did I know they were planning a surprise birthday party on the 30th, because I was turning 30 (Gross). I had never felt so much love from my friends than I did that day they surprised me. Never have I felt so MAD & so HAPPY at the same time. I really felt I was going to pass out when I saw all my friends at my surprise party. I looked around and saw how much work they put into the party. I have so much gratitude for the effort. I feel like i could die and die in peace, because it made me so happy, but I don't want to die yet. I am not the best at expressing myself on paper, but I wish I could so you could know how much it meant to me. Any time this song plays, I think of all my friends. All the right moves from One Republic
I hate my age. I realized when I was driving that I am 29. I even double checked my birth certificate and yep...I was right. I was born in 1979. AHHHH!!! I am realizing where I am at now and where I was at when I was young. I have changed, but not completely. Growing with 5 sisters you'd think I would be used to hanging out with girls, but it's one of the hardest challenges I have to face. I always had guys friends, and now living with girls, it's been a great blessing and a challenge at the same time. It's hard for me since I don't know how to deal with girl drama, especially when I'm pulled into the drama. Drama stresses me out and I run away from it. I try to be around people and things that uplift me. Even with myself, I caused drama from drama and I hate it. I'm not used to being that way. When I hang-out with guys or the girls that are more laid back like me, we focus on having a good time and making everyone happy, but at the same time I do love hanging out with girly girls like Little Shannon and others, because it motivates me to get dressed up. I think if my mother saw me all dressed, she'd have a hard attack. I used to dress like that, but I stopped before she ever saw me like that. I like hanging out with girls, but without the dramatic life of girl. I don't mind talking to girls about their problems, because I love to help. I just don't want to be in the story their telling. I love chocolate. I know I'm random, but that's who I am. I love dancing. I love dressing up sometimes. I don't love driving & drama. I'm not trying to offend people, but this has been in my mind driving me crazy.
First thing, I had such a great time going to Moab and spending time with Wendy, Jonathan, Tyson, Maren and me. Getting my makeup stolen along with Jonathan's clothes by cross-dressers. I don't want to offend anyone, but they took my makeup! AHHH!!! Second, going to Oregon was a blast. Being on the border of Idaho and Oregon, I would have been so mad if I would have died before entering Oregon. I loved visiting my friend Jeff and being able to spend time with his family. Also, being in same place where they filmed Twilight, being outside of Bella's house. Another highlight, going to the cheese factory, because I LOVE cheese! Third, hiking to waterfalls. Fourth, Jeff finding a dead fish in his canoe and Jonathan splashing me with the nasty water. GROSS! Fifth, traveling to Eureka (the middle of nowhere) with Little Shannon going to a friend's wedding, reception and dance party. Dancing and being laughed at, looking like we were drunk when truthfully, everyone else was. Even requesting us to dance to Thiller when we sat out, because we didn't know how to dance like Michael Jackson, but not to disappoint we got up and danced for the crowd while they cheered us on. While everyone got wasted we decided to have our own fun and take random pictures outside the historical chapel. Then we went back to dancing. FUN, FUN, FUN! One last thing, it always makes me happy to get a call from Bruce, not knowing where he'll be next. Like instead of a game of "Where's Waldo?" it's a game of "Where's Brucy-Bruce?"
Over the past couple of months I've been battling my own war, a war between good and evil. I have experienced so much good that the bad is also raging against me. It's intense when you think times are so bad and you feel like you can't escape, but if you truly reflect internally, it's a battle between yourself and knowing truth. You are the only one to make yourself miserable. Even though, I have reflected on the great happiness I have felt over the past couple of months having my friend back in my life. He makes me happy by making me laugh and smile. In those prior months, it was strange without him, but I finally realized that I needed that time to change and it was the only way to grow. When that happened I was blessed with meeting people who were there to truly help me with the growing process. I'm happy where I'm at now, being able to meet people and be myself again. For so long we had created a situation where caring for each other was hurtful dealing with so many misunderstandings that caused pain. Now, after time away from each other and the opportunity to become better, I have never been so happy. I have not only fixed myself, but along with that there's the blessing of the return of that person. After all the arguing and negatively was finally stripped away, the truth remained, that now in my time of need he is here for me. I am so blessed to have him.
I felt like blogging tonight! So here it goes I have this situation I'm 98% diagnosed with an illness that I am still unaware of which illness I contain. I just want to let people in which is something I do not do often and find very personal. Lately I have been fighting my own battles with myself. This week I have found myself wanting to just come home and sleep. This is not normal if you know me. It is hard for me to express to my family how my health is and how I am feeling because my mom is fighting cancer and I don't want to make her worry or become more ill. Another thing is when I have bad or low days I find myself running away from those I know and care about. So please don't take offense just some days I feel unsure of myself because I am not myself lately. But I have been blessed to have really cool friends like Brenna and roommates. Also friends I have in my complex they have been a huge support to me. I am not skilled on computers!! So hopefully and thankfully I have a cool friend named Jeff who helps me a lot and makes me laugh with his lovely movement of his hips...haha just messing well not really it is almost 3 a.m. It has been an interesting week I have been running into good friends from my mission as well as receiving phones calls from them. I began to think about my mission and who am I am now. I decided to come with a list of "Good Qualities I look in Friends."
1. They have to be able to handle me and my randomness.
2. I want my friends to do things that make me happy. For example I have dyslexia and one of my friends read to me the other night a chapter from a book I have been trying to read. Or when one night when I wanted ice cream a friend went out and got me some. I was happy to see that that friend would do something like that for me.
3. Honesty as many know I am very blunt and say exactly what is on my mind and I expect that from a true friend.
4. I also hate to feel used or be used. I am caring person and will help people but I don't like when people take advantage of that.
5. Not judgemental or jealous. I like when my friends all get along!
6. I need friends that like music. I love music. If you don't like it I am sorry :)
7. I like friends that are willing to help me. Ones that want to be there to help me. I hate when they feel like they are obligated to.
8. Has a good sense of humor...but not too sarcastic. If they are too sarcastic problems can come about and sometimes I can not tell if you are joking or not.
9. Friends that are Happy for you and I mean Genuinely Happy for you
10. I need a friend that will be there for the long run. Basically a friend for life or eternity. Someone that won't bail out on me when I need them the most. Or come and go.